How ๐˜•๐˜–๐˜› to travel Europe #3 – Kayaks

How ๐˜•๐˜–๐˜› to travel Europe #3 – Kayaks

(ducks quacking) – [Greg] Good morning. – Morning. (Greg laughing) Right, we’ve got a big day of
kayaking ahead of us today. So we’re gonna pinch a
shower from these guys, brush our teeth, grab
something to eat and set off. Kayaks are just over there. It is, isn’t it? Bag are here. – [Greg] Good. – [Tom] The kayaks are down here. – [Greg] Sick. – Still there, you’ll be pleased to know. (gentle upbeat music) With everything still where we left it, we wasted no time in
finding the shower blocks. Oh yes! Where we rid ourselves,
temporarily, of any iffy smells. Oh, I feel good after that. And then the shop, where grabbed
ourselves a morning feast. Had to be done, didn’t it? Greg’s favorite food. Greg’s second favorite food. (Greg laughing) Greg’s third favorite. (Greg laughing) Nah, I don’t know. (Greg laughing) Oh we’ve got a whole host
of stuff here, this morning. And we were gonna need it too, because today we plan to paddle as far as our little arms could take us. Hopefully, right down towards the bottom of Lake Maggiore where
we would spend the night, and then continue the next
day down the River Ticino, and towards the A4 which
would take us east. Itching to get kayaking now though. Gonna eat up, go over to our kayaks, and set off out into that
calm, beautiful lake. The sun is definitely
making itself known though. It’s gonna be a hot, grueling day. We need to keep drinking water, that’s why we bought these. Plenty of suntan lotion, hat on, because we could get ourselves in a really bad way if
we’re not careful today. So without any further
delays, we packed our bags. Words cannot convey how hot this is. – Very, very hot.
– And it’s only half nine. Wrestled them into our boats. It’s a bit of a squeeze, this. It’s all right. Dragged our boats in. Oh yes! And cast ourselves off. Here we go! (Greg laughing) Fucking hell! Ciao bella, thanks for the sleep. Look at this. – [Greg] This is just Cheddar Gorge, init? – [Tom] It is so calm. – [Greg] It’s absolutely
still as a millpond, init? – [Tom] Yeah, let’s
just take it easy, man. – [Greg] Yeah. Leisurely strokes. Thomas, thoughts for the day? – Thoughts for today, who knows what this huge lake has
got in store for us. Who knows how fast we can go, how much ground we can make. Might even get to the
end, like we were saying last night, we have no idea. We might get to the end in like no time. (Greg laughing) Or we might just get half way down. – [Greg] Or never get
to the end. (laughing) – The very GoPro that you’re watching us on right now might fall into the blue. (Greg laughing) – [Greg] This’ll never be seen. – Never been seen. – [Greg] A pointless
conversation then, wouldn’t it? (Tom laughing) – [Tom] Way out in the middle of the lake, Greg found a way to keep
himself entertained. – [Greg] Off the head. (Greg laughing) – What the fuck was that? (Greg laughing) – [Greg] An apple. – An apple? – [Greg] Yeah, look. (Greg laughing) – Fair play, mate. (Greg laughing) And before we knew it, we’d covered quite some distance. What’s that, two miles? And up ahead, something to aim for. Looks like these two
bits here are islands, so we’re going to port
up and check ’em out. – [Greg] Let’s do it. – [Tom] The island we were approaching was called Isola dei Pescatori, or island of the fisherman. I mean we didn’t know that at the time, we were just lured in by its quaint terracotta roofs, church spire and shingled beach, which seemed like it was just made for us to roll up onto. We were even greeted with traditional Italian music as we hauled our kayaks up onto the pebbles. – [Greg] Wow, here we are. Well, my idea to dry the towel backfired. (Tom laughing) – [Tom] Not the wised– – [Greg] Oh, and there they go. (both laughing) There. – And any hopes of drying those are firmly out the window. – [Greg] To be honest, they needed a wash, so that was good. (both laughing) Oh. – So you shoved them in the dirt now. (Greg laughing) With Greg’s pants slightly cleaner, we ventured into our
little Italian island. (upbeat accordion music) – Ciao. Thank you. – [Greg] Oh, what a shot. – You missed. (speaking in a foreign language) – [Woman] Thank you very much. (speaking in a foreign language) – That kicked them into life. (laughing) (both laughing) Greg, keen to perfect the basics of the Italian language
early on began practicing. (speaking in a foreign language) That’s terrible, mate. – Why? (laughing) (Tom laughing) Really good at it. (both laughing) Let’s go and walk down an alleyway and say bonjourno to people. (laughing) (Tom laughing) – So that’s exactly what we did. (speaking in a foreign language) (Tom laughing) Oh god. (speaking in a foreign language) (Tom laughing) You had your fill, mate. (both laughing) Right, what else can we do? Because we’ve satisfied that craving. (both laughing) – Immediately. – On a serious note, this
is a lovely, lovely place. (speaking in a foreign language) Having greeted half of Lombardy, we focused on finding an
idyllic little restaurant for a cheap glass of wine
to exacerbate our daftness. (Greg laughing) Oh mate, I think we’ve found our vino bar. (Greg laughing) (Tom laughing) – [Woman] Ow. – Well it’s half 10 in the morning, and we’re ordering large glasses of wine, on a boiling hot lake in which we’ve got 20 miles to paddle. (Greg laughing) – [Greg] But how can you blame us? Look at this. – [Tom] I’m so relaxed. – [Greg] Mate, I know. – Never been so fucking
relaxed in my life. Fuck sake, I’m relaxed. (Greg laughing) The wine was excellent, I presume, but sadly we couldn’t sit here swigging it all day. We had to leave bonjourno
island and move on. (speaking in a foreign language) And as our trusty buskers provided us with the closing theme music, just as they’d done for our entrance, we couldn’t help but think that we might remember this
place for a long time. What a lovely little island. Shall remember it fondly forever. – Bond with that island
for a long, long time. – That’s exactly what I just said. But let’s see what’s round the corner. Who knows how Italian
this could actually get. (speaking in a foreign language) Five minutes later, I witnessed the most Italian thing I’ve ever seen. (speaking in a foreign language) He’s the best pasta
maker this side of Milan. But as the daily bustle of the lake whipped up bigger and bigger waves for us to battle through, the sun growing more and more powerful, we knew we had our work cut out. But at least we were being constantly distracted by the beauty
that surrounded us. That is some serious
wealth that’s built that. As tempting as it was to moor up and explore the Tomb
Raider 2 esque gardens of this mansion, we simply
had to keep paddling, even if the sun and lack of sleep did take its toll at times. I could fall asleep now. – Could you? – I could. (Greg laughing) We’d promised ourselves to put in a good four mile stint and get around the next big bend in the lake, only then could we feast on some sort of seafood pasta. (speaking in a foreign language) Eventually we managed to reach the pleasant village of Belgirate, where the irresistible
sound of clattering cutlery and jovial chatter seduced
our rumbling stomachs. After a brief and fruitless search for a backstreet pizzeria, we settled on this lakeside restaurant, where we ate the pasta and fantasized
that any well dressed men over the age of 50 were
high up mafia bosses, discussing their latest deal over lunch. Mafioso sort of guys. – I don’t know if anyone gets that. – [Tom] Cheers. – Dude. – They will, they will get it. – You will get it. – When we’re tied up and bound in a Fiat van, you’ll get it. After that, we cooled off in the lake. (Greg laughing) Life of Brian. Oh, my wallet, is in my bag. (both laughing) – Salmon pasta might come back up. (both laughing) – Filled up our bottles. Is it bad that I pissed myself in the boat earlier? We’re getting wet anyway. It is. (Greg laughing) Oh yeah. And slid back into the water for our next arduous stretch. (speaking in a foreign language) Can we join you? (Greg laughing) Fucking hell mate. Our next aim, if we could keep straight, was to boldly cross the
370 meter deep lake, get ourselves over to the Angera side. Madly enough, a good friend of Greg’s, TJ from South Africa, who could be seen here back in 2015 making an aggressive cameo in
the short series Uni Kid, actually lived in Angera. As luck would have it, he was away in Paris working, but we decided to make Angera our aim for the day anyway, just to honor him. First though, we had to cross this daunting stretch, but to be honest, with a sturdy kayak, a life jacket and warm water all around, it was a vast improvement on Lake Vyrnwy. And it wasn’t long before we were a stones throw from land, where we could finally have a piss. – [Greg] What’s that, Tom? – Just my shorts are a bit wet. It’s all just coming out. – [Greg] There’s a bit. – [Tom] But little did we know, someone lived here and was
watching us this whole time. A local swan, who didn’t take kindly to the territorial pissings. We’re the only swans around here, boys. Jack on me, like. (Greg laughing) I’m gonna eat this. – [Greg] Yeah. – [Tom] What? Yeah, fuck off. – [Greg] Come over here starting trouble. – [Tom] Yeah, fuck off, man. – [Greg] Well I was coming through, mate. – [Tom] Further around
the coast towards Angera, we noticed a fire burning on a beach, and we were keen to find out whether it was private land,
or whether public fires were permitted on the lake shore. We were just preparing ourselves to speak some more terrible Italian,
but to our surprise it wasn’t a Luigi from Lugano that we were dealing with. Oh it’s beautiful. – Yeah, apparently so. We had some people come over. – [Tom] It was Nigel from Rutland. We chatted with Nigel for 20 minutes about his favorite hotel
in Bangor, North Wales. The beauty of the Brenner Pass, and how the local Italians
don’t quite get his humor. He then told us about a beach around the corner that we could potentially camp on,
before inviting us over in the morning for coffee. What a lovely chap. ♪ We’re only making plans for Nigel ♪ ♪ Oo ♪ ♪ And if your Nigel says he’s happy ♪ ♪ He must be happy ♪ ♪ He must be happy ♪ ♪ He must be happy in his world ♪ ♪ Nigel is very English ♪ ♪ But he lives in Italy
on a big blue lake ♪ ♪ And he likes to speak ♪ ♪ And he loves to be spoken to ♪ (both laughing) – [Tom] It didn’t take us
long to find Nigel’s beach. 100% mate. – [Greg] Ain’t nobody gonna see us. – [Tom] So we decided to
explore the coast a little more, and just round the corner
there was a wedding. – [Greg] Yeah, it’s a wedding, mate. – [Tom] And with superb timing too. Well, this wasn’t a challenge, but seems like a good one to do, get into a wedding photo. – [Greg] They’re taking it now. I’m in it mate, 100%, I’m in it. (Tom laughing) (Greg laughing) – [Tom] Yes mate, high five. We half jokingly toyed with the idea of crashing the wedding. – Now, now is like the film. We could come back in
like nice clothes later, this could be good. – [Tom] It would be ludicrous, yeah. In my life jacket. (Greg laughing) But then we noticed something
familiar about the guests. – [Greg] I swear they’re British. – [Tom] All right mate? – [Greg] Told you mate, they’re British. – [Tom] Mate, we’ve
gotta go up, haven’t we? – Let’s go up. – Yeah. (Tom laughing) (stones crunching) We’re crashing a wedding. But then just as we were getting out of our kayaks, a friend of the bride came down and told us, in the nicest possible way, you’re not coming in. Okay. We’ve been told to leave
before we even made it. And out of respect, we’ve
accepted that request. (Greg laughing) It’s a shame but. – It’s kind of weird though, because you’d expect if you’re out in Italy in kind of quite a remote area by a lake and there was a wedding of British people, from your own country, and you pull up on kayaks doing a YouTube adventure that they wouldn’t even invite you in for a drink. (Tom laughing) – One minute, I said, we’ll be one minute. (Greg laughing) – [Greg] Zilch. – Nada.
– Zilch Olympics. – [Woman] Hello. (laughing) – [Tom] Then some of the more friendly peripheral wedding guests came down to the beach and asked us to take photos of them by the lake. Unbelievable. – I’m here all evening, so. – Thank you! – Bye! – [Tom] Amazing. You look amazing! – Thank you. – Take care. – [Tom] Fling us down
a beer for our efforts. (Tom laughing) – All the best. There’s loads I can get right now. – Nice one. – We’re getting there. Slowly but surely, we’re
going to work our way in. We’re gonna break ’em down bit by bit. We’re gonna work our
way in, you believe me. – [Greg] We ain’t leaving. – We ain’t leaving this private beach. (both laughing) This private access to this house, we ain’t fucking leaving
until we’re in there and we’re dancing on
that dance floor to YMCA. But immediately after that,
they all buggered off, presumably to the booze filled party that the girl in the
navy dress bragged of. We had no choice but to
bugger off ourselves, back to the beach to check it out and see what kind of sleeping arrangement we could fashion for the night. Might be where we stop tonight. – [Greg] Might well be it. – We’d beached up in a cozy, shady little spot next to this seemingly deserted property, whose pier Greg found himself using as a drying wrack for some pretty damp belongings, including his sleeping bag. But we didn’t fancy
sleeping on sandy soil, especially with a slightly
damp sleeping bag, so we began snooping
around for a better spot. And that’s when it hit home that a lot of these strange lakeside
properties were abandoned. We found some slightly comfier ground, but also we found this. No one sleeps here. No one’s gonna be here
throughout the night, clearly. This would be fine, covered from the rain. I mean why not? Verdict is sleep on the comfy grass, because it doesn’t look
like it’s gonna rain, but if it does, in there. But for now, we’re gonna walk into Angera, the local, picturesque,
we’ve heard, village and drink copious amounts of vino. But shortly after that clip was filmed, Greg made another
disappointingly damp discovery. Greg, what’s gone on here? – Well, basically I’ve used this sold as waterproof bag and my
most cherished possession, my ticket home. – [Tom] That is a Europe inter-rail pass. – [Greg] Is soaking wet. – [Tom] So it’s not
waterproof in the slightest. – [Greg] So Geertop. – Geertop, never heard of you before. (Greg laughing) Hopefully never see you again. Should be ashamed of yourselves. No one’s gonna touch that, are they? Be all right. No crime round here. (Greg laughing) That evening, whilst devouring
more pizza and local wine. Cheers everyone. Greg and I discussed the issue of the challenges that had been chosen for us by my fans. The challenges that so far we’d been too occupied to find the time for. We had to find a way around this. We had to make time for ourselves, and that meant making
a lot of ground, fast. The opposite of what
we’d been doing so far. So we injected our existing
plan with steroids. We get up early, sell the
kayaks here in Angera. Hitchhike or train hop
down to a service station on the A4, the main artery
of Northern Italy by mid day, and hitchhike like we’ve
never hitchhiked before. Our ultimate aim, to get
to Ljubljana by 10pm, or failing that, Trieste. A few wines later, Greg received some unexpected news, TJ,
who we’d just messaged to let him know that we were drinking in his local bars, was now driving back from Milan airport, having been
dismissed early from Paris. (speaking in a foreign language) Well that’s a turn up for the books. – Wasn’t expecting that, but it looks like we might have dry feet tonight. (laughing) – Fucking hell. Thank God! (Greg laughing) That is quite hard to
resist, to be honest. – He’s coming now, mate. (speaking in a foreign language) How’re you doing, mate? You good?
– All right TJ. How’s it going, man? You good? – [TJ] Good, are you? – [Tom] I’m wicked
mate, yeah, not too bad. As if you’re here, man. (TJ laughing) Where have you been, Paris? – [TJ] Yeah. – [Tom] A knackered looking TJ took us to get our bags from the beach and back to this home, where frankly after the last two nights sleep we’d had, the idea of a comfy
mattress was irresistible. Well that’s the best thing I’ve ever seen. Whilst testing the mattresses comfort, Greg was molested by two
enthusiastic sausage dogs. (dogs grumbling)
(Greg laughing) So we took to the living room, where we enjoyed more wine, and reminisced until our eyes could stay open no more. This is actual footage
of me falling asleep. (dogs groaning) Hey! Stop it! In the morning, the hypnotic sound of sizzling bacon and eggs was interrupted by a curious, celestial melody that seemed to ring out over the village. (gentle music) Not a bad start to the day, is it? – Wow, look at that. – [Tom] Eggs for Greg. Eggs and bacon for me. (Greg laughing) And a castle in the background, what more could you want? As if we hadn’t been looked after enough, TJ offered to take us back down to where the kayaks hopefully still were. They smell too much to
ever even deal with again. (Greg laughing) Over breakfast, we devised a plan to get ourselves to a service station on the A4 by one PM. The service station we’d
be aiming for was this one, just north of the city of Navarre, but to get there, we would need to cross the lake again, over to the town of Arona, sell the kayaks there, hitchhike or train hop down to Navarre, and then mission our way through this mishmash of industrial
and agricultural areas to the service station. Were there holes in this plan? Quite a few. The first of which was already apparent. Oh yeah, I can see those clouds. Reassuringly, the kayaks were still resting peacefully where we’d left them. Get in. – [Greg] Still here. – [Tom] But the weather promised to behave very differently to how
it had done yesterday. – [Greg] You look here, where you can see the end of the lake yesterday, it’s just a wall of dark cloud. – [Tom] Wall of darkness. – [Greg] So Nige, we ain’t
coming over for coffee, mate. – [Tom] TJ, you know the weather around here better than us, what’s the odds in your head
that it’s not gonna rain? – It’s definitely gonna rain. – [Tom] Is it? – Yeah. – [Tom] Oh great. (laughing) Heavily? – [TJ] Yeah. (everyone laughing) – Great.
– Oh well. Well this has become a
redundant piece of costume. (Tom laughing) – [Tom] You got costume
right, mate, there. (Greg laughing) Keen to beat the inevitable downpour, we bid farewell to TJ,
and our plans for Nigel, and made a beeline for Arona, whose position on the skyline was now dominated by a Biblical body of rain. Right, we’re crossing the lake now. In the distance, you
can see the town Arona. We didn’t know what it was
called until this morning. But our plan is to try and
sell these kayaks there. Chances of success Greg? – Fairly slim. – [Tom] Absolutely zilch, in my eyes, but there isn’t a fucker on the lake. – And the fun’s only just started. – [Tom] The thunder is rumbling. I don’t think we’re
gonna sell these kayaks. I think we’ll even struggle to
give them away, to be honest. But half way across the
lake, amongst the sound of the wind and waves, we
heard a very faint voice. TJ’s waving us back. – What is it? – [Tom] He seemed to be holding
something up in the air. Fuck sake, we forgot
something by the looks of it. Greg’s left his inter-rail
ticket, I think. The spanner. Hurry up Greg. What was it? The inter-rail pass? – Yeah. – [Tom] Was it at his house? – No, it turns out I put
it on the dashboard to dry. – [Tom] Ah. – Dried well though. It’s perfectly bone dry. – [Tom] Okay, that’s good. That’s all right. – He said he’s been shouting
us for five minutes. – [Tom] Having put TJ out again, as late on into our day as
was physically possible, we careered on into the waves. We got big waves here,
but we ain’t too far. We ain’t got too long to go. Fucking hell! The wind was now whipping up waves from behind, which was hard
to prepare for at times. At least I’m the one with the life jacket. Oh God! My attention now though was on what seemed to be a boat club, just to the right of town. Come on. Get to the boat club. Can you imagine if they
bought them off us? Let’s just hope someone’s in. Okay, that is not a
boat club, it turns out. Wishful thinking, I think. Whoa. Somehow we hit the shore still as dry men. Shit! Well one of us did. (waves splashing) Couldn’t do anything about it. But it didn’t seem to matter either way. The place was as dead as a doornail. I feel like dumping them here mate, to be honest, in a way. In reality, we didn’t
want to ditch the kayaks, but it seemed the ominous atmosphere had shooed every last
Italian family indoors, all except one. There was one woman with some kids still down by the water front. Now my initial thought was that she almost wasn’t worth asking. – [Greg] Asking though, man. – She was probably here for the day visiting with the kids,
and even if she lived here, she probably didn’t wanna be lumbered with two great kayaks whilst trying to look after a group of children by a large, deep body of water, and that’s if she can even understand me. The kayaks. – Yes? – [Tom] But I was wrong on all counts. – Hi.
– Hi. – [Tom] It’s been used. Straight away she seemed interested, and she was keen to get a
closer look at the kayaks. – [Greg] Greg, nice to meet you. – Thomas, I’m Thomas. – [Greg] Greg, nice to meet ya. – Nice to meet ya. Really? – Really.
– Do you really want them? – Yeah, I do. – [Greg] Yeah? – Yeah, why not? – [Greg] They’re yours. (speaking in a foreign language) – I almost didn’t ask her. I thought– – I persuaded him. – He persuaded me, full on, yeah. Apart from the possible language barrier, I thought they’re never gonna want this, but they’re absolutely beaming with joy. They want them and it’s amazing. Soon we were joined by
the rest of the family. He wants it badly. Diego the dad and ourselves set about figuring out how to get the kayaks back to their home. 1.3 kilometers, that’s fine. – [Greg] That’s fine. – [Tom] No problem, we’ll carry them. – [Greg] We’ll carry them, yeah. (gentle upbeat music) (Tom laughing) (speaking in a foreign language) – [Tom] You want the yellow one? Like a close knit pride, with Greg in the middle carrying the lions share, we ferried the kayaks through the picturesque and somehow
still dry streets of Arona. – My fingers are stuck. – [Tom] Apart from the excruciating pain, the journey to the house was a truly memorable experience. The towns people smiled as we passed, and Joanna told me that her youngest niece had already decided that he wanted to be an adventurer when he grew up, just like us, and was hard at work planning which countries he was going to explore first. And just before my right
fingers dropped off, we were there. (dog barking) Mate. (Greg laughing) Oh shit. Oh hello. (dog barking) Oh he doesn’t like my smell. I don’t blame him to be honest. High five Thomaso. (speaking in a foreign language) There we go, job done. In the back garden, the kids showed us where they kept the animals. – [Greg] Yeah. (speaking in a foreign language) – [Tom] And Diego showed
us his magic fruit tree. (speaking in a foreign language) Oh figs. – [Diego] Fig, figs. – [Tom] Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, sure. – [Diego] Follow me. – [Tom] It’s meant to be
good for your sex life. (Greg laughing) (Tom laughing) – Why do you think he’s
got one in the garden? (Greg and Tom laughing) – [Tom] Ah, it’s split. That’s ready to eat? – Yep. – I’m copying you because, oh you just go. – [Greg] Whoa. Wow! I’ve never seen that. – Mm! Want to try some, mate? It’s really sweet.
– Yeah. – [Tom] We’ve been invited in for food, there’s a challenge complete. – Wow! I just did not know figs. I thought a fig was just a
fig, I don’t know. (laughing) – [Tom] Well it is in a way, init? (both laughing) A modestly sized desert
course was then dished out. Mm! (speaking in a foreign language) Before we headed back in, where Diego capped it all off with some great news. We’ve managed to wangle a lift to Navarre. No need to mess about with trains, hitchhiking, we’re gonna
be there nice and early. Yes! We’re gonna be in Ljubljana tonight! Not really but give it a ruddy good go. (speaking in a foreign language) A lift to Navarre was game
changingly good for us. It meant that we didn’t have to wait around until two
PM for the next train, and it also meant that
we could be dropped off a lot closer to where we wanted to be, giving us more valuable hitchiking time. – [Greg] See you later. – That is brilliant
timing, the first specks of rain have fallen, but
we’re in a dry place. (Greg and Tom laughing) – [Greg] Thanks to Diego. – Thanks to Diego, we’re
on our way to Navarre, where hopefully we can hitchhike
before we get drenched. On the way, Diego told us about some of the local delicacies that this area was famed for. – And cheese called Gorgonzola. – Gorgonzola! We’re stopping there. Take us to the center. (Tom and Greg laughing) – [Greg] I love, I like Gorgonzola. – I love it, love it. Do you like it? – I like a lot, I like, yeah. – The smellier the better. – I like wine and cheese, so. – Mm!
– Yeah. – [Tom] Sadly there was no time to sample the local Gorgonzola, but the main thing was, it looked like we now weren’t going to get
drenched before hitchhiking. In fact, as we rocked up to the outskirts of Navarre, the sun was
well and truly out again. Amazing. – All right.
– Wow. – [Tom] Cannot thank you enough. – [Greg] No. – [Diego] I need to thank you because of the kayaks. – [Tom] Well, we’re even then. – Are you sure about this? – [Tom] What? – About the– – [Tom] Yeah, well we’re not sure but. This is the kind of thing we used to do when we were young, me and him. – A lot.
– So we’ll be okay. And with that, we said
our goodbyes to Diego. Thanks so much, man. Take care man.
– Cheers mate. – Good luck.
– See you later. – Let’s do this mission. – Let’s do it. – And began the next chapter. Fucking roasting, mate. We thought it would be hammering it down. All we knew was that the service station was about two or three miles away, roughly north east, and that to reach it we would probably have to sneak across both agricultural and industrial land. Now historically, we would have just dived straight into the fields, but we were also super keen
to get to the motorway. So for now, we stuck to the tarmac, which can always throw
up the odd surprise. Mate, that shat me up! I thought that was real. – [Greg] Uh, it’s really jelly like! – [Tom] Oh it’s all sticky. Oh, why did I touch that? – Who dropped that off here? – And where are the other body parts? (Greg laughing) Okay, maybe we won’t go through there. (Greg laughing) Because he is one gnarly Alsatian. – [Greg] He is one– – [Tom] With a massive. We don’t know what’s going on here, but we’re getting into some sort of freight yard, a train yard. There’s a guy in an orange top, a worker, so he could just stop us straight away from coming on here. We want to aim for that
ramshackle Call of Duty– – [Greg] Call of Duty kind of get up. – [Tom] Sort of get up. – There’s the guy with the orange. – [Tom] Where? – [Greg] Orange vest, there,
walking along the train. – [Tom] Oh yeah. Can you see him?
– First window along. – Yeah, gotta watch out for him. Can we sneak through? Conscious that being seen would probably mean being sent back the way we came, we crept up to the fence and
waited for the coast to clear. Oh there’s the guy, look. – [Greg] You filming? – There’s a guy over there, I don’t know whether he’s a worker. Yeah, I’m filming, yeah. After some umming and ahhing. Shall we just go? We moved, opting to not army crawl under the trains like I suggested, but to casually stroll up
towards the worker’s HQ. Oh he’s seen us. Before darting off to the right before anyone could confront
us, around the tracks. Quick mate. Behind the shed and over
the safety of the bank. What’s next? Okay. At first it didn’t look great. That is pretty fenced off mate, that. The COD level place looked
dangerously inaccessible, but then I noticed something. Oh, I think that was the bridge I wanted to get to, mate. – [Greg] Good. – [Tom] That green thing, yeah. Train’s coming, it’s
definitely gonna see us. Might report us. With another brand new
reason to get a move on, we headed for the green bridge that I’d seen on Google Maps that morning. Okay, we’ve gotta get out of here now. – [Greg] Go on, mate. Sweet. – The fence offered little resistance, unlike what lay beyond it. (speaking in a foreign language) Don’t mind us. – [Man] No, no, no, no. – [Tom] Bridge mate. – [Man] No, no, no, no, no, no. – [Tom] The bridge I
thought we could cross wasn’t as user friendly as I’d hoped. There were cameras all over it, workers who may well already be after us to the left, and to the right an irate Bulgarian lorry driver who was ready to dob us in anyway. So still very keen to hitchhike, and not overly keen on being arrested, (man yelling) we trudged around the long way, where somehow we found ourselves running through some
sort of container yard, which also had lots of cameras. Soon though, after some more flukey urban navigation, and the realization that we probably could have just followed roads, we arrived
at the service station, or at least in view of it. There it is. At the moment, we haven’t got a clue how we’re gonna get
over that railway track. That is absolutely– – [Greg] And that gigantic fences. – [Tom] Yeah, that’s impossible. We can either drop down onto the banks of the motorway. No, I can’t see a possible
way to do that at the moment. – [Greg] Cross the track here, drop down maybe on the other side, and then cross the Chef Express bridge. – [Tom] Ah! – Maybe. – [Tom] Fucking genius, Greg. – [Greg] Maybe. – Cross the road, get onto the other side and cross the bridge back to our side. That’s why you’re here, mate. That’s why you’re here. Hang on, we might not
need Greg’s genius plan. Look, little tunnel down there. Dunno whether that’s a
little stream or a road. I think it’s more likely a stream. Let’s check it out. Oh, it’s right here, all right. (upbeat music) Ah, wanker! (upbeat music) Right. – [Greg] Well done troops. – Is this tunnel, well already I can see there’s a sign
saying do not do it. (speaking in a foreign language) – [Greg] Don’t fucking do it. – [Tom] Don’t fucking go in, basically. (upbeat music) Yeah, we can do that. (upbeat music) – [Greg] Mate, I recon that wall, use your groove in the wall. – Yeah. (upbeat music) Spiderman of South Wales. Look at that, you lanky streak of piss. (upbeat music) The mafia are onto us. We had made it to the
service station in good time. Lunch time, actually, but it would have to be a quick lunch, because our golden ticket east could be cruising through
this service station at any given time. It was an exciting yet nervous prospect to think that by the time that this relentless sun was setting, we could either be on top of the world in Ljubljana, in complete desperation still stuck at this service station, and anywhere in between. – Two in the poo, Jesus Christ. – Wow. (speaking in a foreign language) – Well 1980s. We have been absolutely spoilt, we’ve been spoilt. (Greg laughing) – Never had such a shit
hitchhiking experience. – [Greg] There it is,
straight from the land. – [Tom] Can’t wait to tuck into this, I’m fucking ravenous. (Greg laughing) (gentle upbeat music)

About the author


  1. Folks, episode 4 will be released two weeks from now, but don't fear, instead you'll be getting Real Life Geoguessr Part 1 (blindfolded and driven to a random UK location)
    For now I hope you enjoy this slightly more peaceful episode. Remember to watch this episode with subtitles for full effect, and to check out my patreon page where there's lots going on, especially on the $6 tier!

    Thanks all!

  2. I'm a representative for Geertop. Would you kindly retract your statement or remove this video, otherwise we will have no option but to sue for libel. Kind regards.

  3. I was so bored, thank you for this ๐Ÿ™‚
    (Really hard workweek behind me, this is the most relaxing thing to watch)

  4. I was looking forward to this episode so much! Your content is so refreshing to see on YouTube, through all the monotonous, boring crap, this shines through!
    Can't wait to see what the future holds for you ๐Ÿ˜€

  5. a sigh of satisfaction… this was nice to watch. I really can't wait for the full series to come out to binge-watch it.

  6. This is a really great series, makes me want to go in a roadtrip right now.

    Also, your commentary is like the most poetic way of describing what we're watching unfold before our eyes.
    I love language and you're making me real happy!

  7. You became my favourite content creator on this platform after the first mission across Wales video. Such a great series

  8. I just can't believe how nice everyone you meet is. This series is making me smile so much it's almost as if if you're nice to people they want to help you out…

  9. I moved to mainland Europe 4 months ago. I've really missed British humor; I'm so thankful for you uploading your adventures, you're both fantastic people and it's great to come on the adventure too!

  10. this is so great to watch, i went all around europe in my campervan and have visited every place you have so far, even the beautiful campsite haha

  11. These mission series are becoming my favorite content on youtube.

    I would love to see a challenge related to America sometime, maybe something to do with the Great Lakes?

    Keep up the good work mate

  12. I see you and Greg taking turns wearing the University of Michigan shirt. Maybe it's a lucky shirt for safe travels, but it brought a smile to my face seeing a representation of home and my local college.

  13. I see you and Greg taking turns wearing the University of Michigan shirt. Maybe it's a lucky shirt for safe travels, but it brought a smile to my face seeing a representation of home and my local college.

  14. Wow, this guy is making me think about walking all the way over to get my wallet and become a Patron. I haven't done it, but the fact that I am even considering it is an accomplishment on his part.

  15. Two things:
    First, I appreciate the way you express yourself. You have a good grasp of language, and it shows in the way you construct your sentences.
    Second, I like the song playing at 2:00. It reminds me of the music in Sega Genesis games. Did you do this yourself? And where can I listen to it?

  16. Absolutely brilliant episode! Super hyped for real life geoguesser and the next Europe episode! Also I hope that after these seriesโ€™s you will go back to regular old geoguesser videos ๐Ÿ˜€ Long time supporter here!

  17. God damn this is some pure Youtube "content" and what the platform was originally about! Just unique people grabbing a camera and sharing their mad ideas with the world. No huge teams, no scripted reality, no pretending to give a shit about a mobile game… Love this series, loved the Mission Across Wales (being a Welshman myself) and hope to see more from you. Have a good one, mate!

  18. I love these types of videos. Keep doing adventures. The straight line across wales is what made me subscribe in the first place. A+!

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