Lindsay: Do you have any idea what’s happening, sir, there’s a lot of turbulence. Jeremy: Alright- everybody just calm down! Lindsay: Get… get back to your seats everybody, please! Jon: Wrong!
Lindsay: Get… get back to your seats everybody, please! Lindsay: Wait, sorry. Fuuuck! (Jon and audience laughs)
We’re gonna crash. Jeremy, laughing a little: Get back to your seats, please. (more laughter)
Lindsay: Hold on, hold on! Hold on, we have plenty of parachutes on here- wait! I’m- I’m only seeing… … one, though, it’s in the back. Jeremy: Incredibly, we have the tendency to only bring one. Lindsay: Just in case of emergencies? One? Jeremy: Keeping one is not weird for a full airplane! Lindsay: Look, we have, what, uh- how many passengers?! I don’t even fucking know, because there’s so many on here! We need more than one parachute! Jeremy: MINE! (Jon cackles)
Lindsay: Wha- no! NO! You put that down! Jeremy: Oookay? (Jon and audience laughs) I’m putting it down… Lindsay: Pussy. (audience loses it while Lindsay struggles to hold back a laugh) Jeremy: You… QUICK, LOOK AT THAT! (Jeremy takes back the parachute) (even more laughter) Lindsay: Really?! Really, when I’m looking over there?! Jeremy: Sure, why not? Lindsay: To be fair, that- I would’ve done the same thing. Jeremy: U-Up here, anything’s legal! (Jon losing his shit while the audience laughs) Lindsay: Soooo… you wanna do it? Jon: Nope!
Lindsay: Soooo… you wanna do it? Lindsay: Wait. You p-… piiieeece of- (Jon: No!)
Jeremy: WHATEVER! (Lindsay cackles while the audience laughs)
Michael: P is after U?! (Lindsay continues to laugh) Michael: P IS AFTER U?! (laughter) (audience is already laughing)
Jon: Uh, put time on the clock. Ready-… (Michael imitates club music) Ssssset… (laughs quietly) Michael: I’m bringing home the bacon, Iris. Bringing home the bacon. Jon: Go! (Lindsay busts in as the timer starts) Lindsay, in a Jar Jar Binks voice: Mikey! Whatcha doing here?! (audience loses their shit) Mesa home makin’ dinner, yousa here touchin’ women?! (audience laughs hysterically) Michael: That’s- that- Listen…! … boyo! (Jon wheezing, and laughter) They’re touching me, I’m tryin’ ta bring home the money that you’re not making! Down on, fucking, Naboo! (audience roars with laughter)
Lindsay: Mikey! Mesa workin’ with da Jedi! (bell rings) (Jon snorts, while the audience laughs on) Mesa tryin’ to save Naboo! (bell rings) Mesa tryin’ to get laid too! (Jon, laughing: Yes!)
(audience laughs) But you’re never here for my needs-! Michael: Mesa ain’t gettin’ laid, I-I’m ju- I’m just doing the dance! And I’m trying to put food on the table!
Lindsay, angry: Ohhhh! To s- do you wanna end up like the Gungans?!
(Lindsay huffs) (bell rings) (Lindsay shakes her head, making a weird gurgling noise) Michael: D-Do you wanna end up like… (Jon and audience loses it)
Michael: D-Do you wanna end up like… Do you wanna end up like Darth Maul?! He got cut in half! He got spider legs! I’m just trying to work what I got! (more laughter) Lindsay, thumping her chest: Mesa will be happier if you HAD spider legs! (more chest thumping)
Then you can at least please mesa! (Michael stuttering) (Jon howls with laughter) Michael: Listen, boyo! (audience crying with laughter)
I’m starting- uh, just throwing in there cuz’ I feel like I should use it! Uh, I’m trying here! I’m tryin’ ta make some money! Because! You’re at home, you’re fuckin- Standing in from the Senate, it dun’t make any sense at all! (audience laughter)
Standing in from the Senate, it dun’t make any sense at all! I honestly don’t even- you have NO background in it! Lindsay, yelling: THE DELLOW FELEGATES LOVE ME! Michael: They’re not paying you ANYTHING! Lindsay: I was elected PROPERLY! Mesa properly! Michael: This-
The elected here is not RIGGED ELECTIONS! Michael: I’ve been elected, by my DICK, to be on the stage! (bell rings) I’ve been elected, by these BUNS, (bell rings)
to be on the stage! I’ve been elected by my FEET, there’s SO MANY foot fetishes going on here! (buzzer goes off)
These women are cumming all over me! (rousing applause and laughter) Jon: Ohhh my Goood.
(rousing applause and laughter) (Patrick: They won.) Michael: I also decided you just WERE Jar Jar Binks. (Jon laughs)
Michael: I also decided you just WERE Jar Jar Binks. (laughter) (Lindsay, giggling: Cool.)